Miss Manners: She was visiting someone else and wanted to use my place as a hotel

DEAR MISS MANNERS A friend called me asking if she could crash at my place that same day I thought that was super-rude Related Articles Miss Manners Should the boss go to the wedding despite this rudeness Miss Manners The phone call took a sudden shift in tone and I think I stated the wrong thing Miss Manners The bride is already mad at people and I don t want to be on that list Miss Manners Should we give any warning before our shiny new fence goes up Miss Manners This evil woman will be at the funeral and I need to know my options She was visiting someone else but didn t want to stay at that house because her other friend has a husband and two children and I have more room I felt very uncomfortable with her just unexpectedly telling me she wished to stay at my place instead of getting a hotel room She can afford it money is not an issue Friends need to understand my house is not a crash pad This is my sanctuary It s not an urgency GENTLE READER Then why are you treating this as an etiquette urgency Of class it is your house which is why it should be easy to tell a friend I m so sorry but that won t work I hope you find something Miss Manners hates to think of the trouble people might get into if manners required them to yield to every proposition made to them DEAR MISS MANNERS My husband and I dine out often I use my napkin and have good manners but even so there are times that I apparently get small particles of food on my face When this happens my husband thinks it s fun to play food-on-your-face charades He will point to his own face to let me know that there is a complication then when I use my napkin to clean it up he will say wrong side and point to another place on his face This can go on three or four times until I feel totally embarrassed and humiliated GENTLE READER And that amuses him Miss Manners has no trouble solving your surface issue Carry a small mirror in your purse and check your face yourself But you might want to consider that the underlying obstacle also requires attention DEAR MISS MANNERS Is it rude or at least unprofessional for my urologist to never address me by name and instead use the word pal For example Hey pal or Take it easy pal He is about years my junior but I have other doctors younger than him who do not do this At first I thought this was a generational thing of being cool or whatever But now it just disgusts me and I m on the cusp of cutting ties GENTLE READER It is supposed to be cute Like you Miss Manners doesn t much care for cute Related Articles Dear Abby I want to tell the manager about my selfish co-workers Jill On Money Jobs cool the American dream fizzles Asking Eric She explained she learned mahjongg from her phone and tried to bully her way into our challenge Harriette Cole She walked out of the party saying my new girlfriend and I embarrassed her Miss Manners Should the boss go to the wedding despite this rudeness However she has noticed that there is hardly a way of addressing people formally without the vulnerability of causing offense Sometimes it is just the use of formality as when a person addressed as mister says That makes me feel old More often it is the choice of title as when a professional title is omitted or a lady is infuriated because someone guesses wrong about whether she prefers Miss Ms or Mrs Miss Manners is sorry to see honorifics disappearing because they indicate respect distinguish between professional and social relationships and establish stages of intimacy But unless everyone calms down she understands why it is easier to use kindergarten forms Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website www missmanners com to her email gentlereader missmanners com or through postal mail to Miss Manners Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO