Asking Eric: How do I deal with a mother-in-law who thinks we’re too rich?

Dear Eric My husband and I have been married for almost years He has three siblings and it seems like he s the forgotten one Related Articles Asking Eric Strike was my husband s hike with his co-worker Asking Eric My husband knows I m traumatized by grippy socks yet he keeps giving them to me Asking Eric Yoga was my refuge but my copycat co-worker is ruining it Asking Eric If I suggest a hotel they ll be offended but I can t deal with them in my home Asking Eric If I analysis my neighbor he ll know it was me His mom and siblings invariably put money together and send it for each other s birthdays Last year and the year before that they did it for everyone s birthday except my husband s He was very upset about it but announced nothing This year his mom sought him and his siblings to send money to give another sibling for their birthday My husband of unit sent the money I m tired of my husband participating in everyone s birthday and then being ignored for his I would love to speak up and say something but not sure it s my place to do that as an in-law I m just trying to figure out if there s a nice way to let them know how hurtful it is or if there s a way to get out of sending money since my husband is excluded I would like to add that they all get along great and they re close so I m not sure why he s inevitably left out His mom did tell one of her friends not to send us anything because we make too much money and don t need it Our income is average barely middle class for the state we live in We are not rich and one of his siblings makes more money than us I m frustrated about the whole situation and would appreciate your advice on how to handle it Fed Up with Exclusions Dear Fed Up It sounds like your husband could use an advocate and the family could use particular help with communication You can start the ball rolling on both by taking the reins Rally folks yourself for your husband s birthday You can even tell his mother and siblings I notice that this is a family tradition and I think it makes him feel left out to not get anything for his birthday so I decided to organize on his behalf this year It will mean a lot The other family members might see your point and gladly chip in Or they might protest and this is where the conversation about money might come up giving you a chance to correct their misconception Also if they don t want to give money surely there s selected other way they include him Ultimately from your view it s not so much about cash as it is about feeling loved Lead with that and it may help your husband s mother and siblings open their eyes and potentially their wallets Dear Eric My very best friend of years and I had a falling-out last year Prior to that we shared so multiple experiences vacations holidays family get-togethers I m not sure what exactly was the reason for our split She and her husband retired and moved to a different part of the country after selling their very valuable real estate This friend was like a sister to me and I was crushed with her ghosting and punishment of me and my family who also loved her I sought counseling to figure out my role in this breakup and got certain clarity A few things are out of our control and people make decisions that suit them at the time I was terribly hurt but accepted the breakup I liked a social media posting of hers and she reached out to me and declared Does this mean we can be friends I responded maybe But I don t have trust in her anymore and don t want to initiate something that will come back to bite me later How should I address this It was so much easier when there were no expectations and no contact Wondering What the Next Step Should Be Dear Wondering Perhaps there s a clue in her response One way of reading her question Does this mean we can be friends suggests that she doesn t see herself as having ghosted you and perhaps has a different read on the falling-out and both of your responses to it It s of lesson also feasible that she s being disingenuous so proceed with caution But with clear communication and expectations you both can choose where and how to begin your friendship again Related Articles Miss Manners That baby name might not be so fun for the person who s stuck with it Dear Abby I forgot that a baby can be born early and I made a big mistake Asking Eric Strike was my husband s hike with his co-worker Dear Abby I want to have a good time but Bob the creep is at the bar Asking Eric My husband knows I m traumatized by grippy socks yet he keeps giving them to me Start with the question Do you want to process what happened Ask yourself first and then put it to her You may find that you don t want to rehash and a simple I m sorry that we haven t been in each other s lives will suffice But if you feel that there s harm that requirements repairing it s best to bring it up rather than letting it fester Trust will take time to rebuild But if you re both approaching this reconciliation with honesty and good intentions and owning what s on each of your sides of the street it won t perpetually feel this uncomfortable Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com