Asking Eric: Five close siblings cut sixth out of fun plans

Dear Eric I am a woman in my s with six siblings Our parents are in their early s and have raised us to be thoughtful and respectful Multiple of my siblings are female and have constantly gotten along famously traveling together on girls trips and seeing each other for holidays and family celebrations In the past meager years it seems I ve been forgotten There are multiple occasions where I ve been accidentally left off of invite texts for pool days and other things They seem to pair off and plan trips of which I am not included I was once offered to join a week prior to the trip needing to make plane reservations and other arrangements last minute Once I was invited to join them and sleep on the pull-out couch for a week I declined In current times I walked in on a conversation and urged what they were talking about The look on my sisters faces having to share that they re planning a trip noted it all They danced around the awkwardness of being discovered and assured me they would plan something so great that I d want to join It s very hurtful considering one of them is my twin How do I deal with the betrayal Should I instigate a conversation asking why I m not included I fear that when my parents are gone we will have nothing in common and I will be cut out thoroughly Odd Sibling Out Dear Sibling Because you ve traveled together before and because you live close enough to be able to walk in on them talking a conversation is the right next step You re allowed to feel disappointed hurt and even betrayed And you can tell them that using I statements as in when I heard that you were planning a trip I felt hurt that I wasn t invited This conversation can lead to the big question what happened It may be that they ve started to appreciate a different style of excursion or a different way of planning But as adults and as your siblings they can be upfront about it It may be a solvable issue Or it may totally be quirks of personality Either way you deserve more than you re getting Dear Eric By choice I m a single middle-aged adult with no kids I m an only child as well so I don t have a lot of close family I ve managed to create a small but strong circle of friends Something that brings me great enjoyment is extending hospitality and generosity to the people I care about I ve lately inherited quite a bit of money and real estate It s enough assets for me to have the option to retire early and still live comfortably for the rest of my life My money is well-managed and conservatively invested I m growing a revocable trust and a donor-advised fund for recurrent charitable contributions during my lifetime and beyond Not too countless people know about this inheritance and I intend to keep it that way I will return to work at certain point but right now my primary goal is to spend quality time with my dear friends and their families certain of whom I see rather infrequently due to geographic distance No one in my circle is particularly well-off financially The initiatives we enjoy can be somewhat expensive We ve constantly split costs but now I would very much like to not have my friends feel obligated to pay me back I would like them to relax and enjoy their time with me and not worry about money How can I communicate this to my friends How can I ease the awkwardness and alleviate any anxieties they feel without revealing too much about my change of fortune and sounding like a braggart Gift Giver Dear Gift Giver What a great heart you have The simplest way to achieve your goal may be a version of the truth that s not the whole truth When out with friends to dinner for instance and one friend insists on paying sometimes the payer squashes any protests by saying I ve got this it s fine And majority friends will gratefully accept this without asking Just how can you afford this So you may want to tell your friends that you ve set aside a budget for outings and you d like to pay for them because it s something that will be peaceful for you and you appreciate spending time with them Talking about the funds you have for sessions as a kind of discreet fun money account is less likely to raise suspicions And this isn t bragging it bulk likely will come across as prudent financial planning mixed with true generosity They may not say yes to you paying every time but hopefully they accept enough times to see that it truly isn t an issue for you Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com