Harriette Cole: Why would you take the side of the food police?

DEAR HARRIETTE I really enjoy reading your column but I have to say your answer to Overeater the person who thought a friend may have a food addiction had my jaw dropping Related Articles Harriette Cole The parents didn t tell me about the scary episode at the sleepover Harriette Cole I m feeling uneasy about what I did to help my friend Harriette Cole I feel violated even though technically nothing happened Harriette Cole My -year-old s day care meltdowns are a big predicament Harriette Cole How can I get him to stop smoking around the kids Here s what you should have stated Apologize to your friend She is an adult and has the right to make her own choices about food or anything else for that matter That she rebuffed your unsolicited advice once should be a big hint She mentioned you were rude and you were Assuming yourself to be the food police or to monitor anyone else about any habit without being inquired is rude It is also presumptuous and arrogant to assume that you have no annoying habits or addictions or that no one else might have reason to be concerned about specific of your behaviors Would you like friends policing you at every event Be a real friend accept her for who she is flaws and all and put your strength into finding good things in her instead of obsessing over her eating which is none of your business I have to say Harriette with all due respect when you finished your answer with Try not to judge her I screamed How about you just don t judge her Think Again DEAR THINK AGAIN Thank you for this cold water to the face Perhaps this topic touches me too closely I have a dear friend who has struggled with an eating disorder for years I have mostly declared nothing and have consistently stood by her asking only once years ago if there might be something for her to address When she in the end advised me about her condition and sought help I was her cheerleader I see the devastation it has caused her body and it pains me that I couldn t help more I long for loved ones to be able to be more supportive As you have pointed out a person s eating is their own business Sadly I stand corrected DEAR HARRIETTE I have been arguing with my husband for years He regularly speaks to me like I am an idiot He is rude and downright nasty I have pleaded with him to stop treating me like this I have requested him to go to therapy with me so we can figure out how to communicate better but he refuses We had a huge blow-up the other day when I challenged him because he had been especially rude to me he screamed at me saying he does not want to change and will not change I don t know what to do I can t keep living like this I don t think I can afford to live on my own though Moreover I am afraid We have been together for so long that I m not sure how to live by myself Trapped DEAR TRAPPED You are suffering from emotional abuse Get to a mental wellness counselor now Work with someone to sort through your issues and create a contest plan for your future Related Articles Dear Abby I take the fire stairs so I don t have to answer my neighbors questions Asking Eric My husband is in the locked bathroom when I come home Should I worry Harriette Cole The parents didn t tell me about the scary episode at the sleepover Miss Manners Was I rude to ask where they got the swell walker Dear Abby I m afraid this celebrity now thinks I m a jerk Should I try to smooth things over Yes it is scary but you deserve to be treated better Know that while it feels insurmountable nowadays to take action you deserve to be treated with respect If your husband is unwilling or unable to do that you owe it to yourself to get out of that relationship Will it be hard Yes Can you do it Absolutely If you need help with any of this or feel unsafe please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at - - - right away Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams You can send questions to askharriette harriettecole com or c o Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO