Harriette Cole: The day care worker regretted her bad advice about my child

DEAR HARRIETTE When I read the letter from Day Care Woes in which the mother noted her son can t stop crying when dropped off at day care I was reminded of my own experience with a child who wouldn t stop crying Related Articles Harriette Cole The bride thinks my wife will create drama at the wedding Harriette Cole I want our vacation to be G-rated and my son s girlfriend is not Harriette Cole Everyone in the restaurant was staring and my friend pretended she didn t know me Harriette Cole My tattletale co-worker keeps running to the boss Harriette Cole He s flaky and brooding but I can t stay away I was a single mother When I dropped off my -year-old daughter at day care she wouldn t stop crying unless I held and comforted her for to minutes and sometimes longer I didn t want to leave her in emotional distress After each day s comforting eventually my daughter would stop crying and be settled enough to walk away Every day the day care worker notified me to just leave She stated my daughter would be all right eventually But I trusted my intuition and continued to stay as long as needed I arrived early enough to comfort my daughter and not be late to work After a month my daughter no longer needed comforting and would run happily into the caretaker s house Six months later the caretaker apologized saying her advice had been wrong Turns out another of her charges had been doing the same thing crying inconsolably at being dropped off and the caretaker had given the mother the same advice to just leave him and he ll get over it But even after months he hadn t gotten over it and would cry for a long time after being dropped off The caretaker stated she was sorry she d ever given the advice to the other mother because it now looked like the crying was never going to end I wonder if Day Care Woes was also given bad advice and if she only demands to take the time to comfort her son each day until he calms down I imagine that being moved from day care to day care is upsetting the boy as well His continual crying could be something else but it might be worth a try Second Opinion DEAR SECOND OPINION Great illustration of the value of trusting your gut DEAR HARRIETTE I m working as a nanny for a family I really enjoy The position has been a good fit The child is wonderful the hours are manageable and I ve developed a positive relationship with the rest of family However there s one issue that s starting to create particular stress for me Part of my responsibilities include driving the child to and from school initiatives and playdates all using my personal car When I accepted the job I assumed that any driving expenses like gas and wear and tear on my automobile would be reimbursed which has been standard in past nanny jobs However when I brought up the subject of gas reimbursement with the parents they brushed it off and noted they weren t willing to cover those costs While I enjoy working with this family I can t afford to cover the cost of gas out of my own pocket Related Articles Dear Abby My mother-in-law torpedoed the surprise party Asking Eric They refuse to take their stuff out of my garage Harriette Cole The bride thinks my wife will create drama at the wedding Miss Manners The maid of honor s wedding-day surprise was not a pleasant one Dear Abby I discovered these photos of his proposal to another woman I feel stuck between wanting to continue in a job I love and needing to advocate for fair compensation for my work and expenses What should I do Expenses Paid DEAR EXPENSES PAID Let the family know that as much as you love your job and their child you cannot afford to finance the child s transportation If they are unwilling to pay for their child s rides you will need to find another job Start looking as they consider their options Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams You can send questions to askharriette harriettecole com or c o Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO