Asking Eric: I let my friend move in, and every day is chaos

Dear Eric My friend fell on hard times and couldn t afford his condo when he was retired and living on Social Guard Related Articles Asking Eric We think the grandparents should know about their son s secret child Asking Eric My mother seems jealous of the attention to my injured son Asking Eric Years later there s fallout from the drama of my missionary days Asking Eric What should my grandson know about his parents messy divorce Asking Eric My crush on the supermarket guy has upended my life We are both seniors and have been friends for a long time I am financially secure I m also disabled and older than he is He solicited if he could live with me and in return help with things I have difficulty with I have a live-in caregiver who lives separate from the main house on my property I will eventually need two people to help me just not now For years I have enjoyed living alone and was hesitant about taking my friend in because of how he is I at last relented He is chaotic He disrupts my morning There is plenty of area for us to not be on top of one another but he requirements entertainment and I seem to be the provider for it My mornings are spent reading the paper followed by the preponderance contemporary book I m on He doesn t read books or papers I m interrupted a number of times with questions or his view on politics I ve solicited communicated and even yelled at him to find something to do while I enjoy the morning the way I like He stops but within a minimal days the same dilemma occurs Is there a method Hectic Housemate Dear Housemate As with any living arrangement if it s not working out then it s time for one of you him to find a different place to live You ve appealed him to respect your space and time and he either can t or won t So this isn t a workable long-term approach Moreover though you declared you will need his help at certain point you don t at present so he s essentially living rent-free This would be fine if he was a compatible housemate but he s not Have a state of the friendship conversation in which you can calmly but clearly lay out the issues as you see them and either present him with an option i e entertain yourself please or use the money you ve saved to move out or present him with a decision you ve made You ve been friends for a long time so I hope that he can respond in a way that shows respect for you and your space But if he doesn t particular distance might be healthy for the preservation of your friendship Dear Eric I am a -year-old woman who lately relocated to her hometown in the Midwest from the East Coast after years I have a wonderful system of friends here whom I ve known practically my entire life I m happier than I could have imagined with my decision to move here Something that has become apparent is while I have a deep affection and love for these friends I don t have that much in common with them This was not as apparent over the five decades that I would visit because the visits were short I m often disappointed in particular of the attitudes that my friends have and I can be quite judgmental about their views There seems to be an underlying consensus that people who have children or chose a traditional path are somehow more worthy because their burdens are greater than those who took an unconventional path and had no children All of these friends are married and have children I on the other hand am very content in my decision to divorce after a brief but happy marriage and not procreate I am often quite judgmental of their views and sometimes find their stereotyping offensive at best I d like to be less judgmental in their presence Do you have any suggestions how I might achieve this Feeling Judgmental Dear Feeling Even though you ve known your friends for so long it ll be helpful to think of these relationships as somewhat new As you noted a lot can be gracefully ignored over a short visit But now that you re local you and they have the opportunity to figure out just how much interaction indeed works for you Related Articles Harriette Cole I m feeling uneasy about what I did to help my friend Miss Manners We didn t realize we drank all the champagne for the whole plane Dear Abby My brother s secret child declared to leave her alone but she might want this news Asking Eric We think the grandparents should know about their son s secret child Harriette Cole I feel violated even though technically nothing happened Part of your judgment is coming from interacting too much Specific lifelong friends are also every now and then friends This involves acceptance You know where they stand on certain things and as long as those issues aren t dangerous or morally unacceptable to you you have the option of saying I don t love this part of my friend s personality but I do like my friend Since I can t change them I m going to acknowledge my own need to put space between us in order to keep things pleasant The pressure you feel to express your judgment demands an escape valve Go in knowing what feels conversationally off-limits to you and work on cultivating other friendships that align with your values as a counterbalance Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com