Opinion: Rethinking the ‘Boys’ Crisis’

The real issue is that there are too limited systems and spaces intentionally created for them to engage learn and grow The problem is not boys The emergency is belonging Basketball in Brooklyn Bridge Park on August Michael Appleton Mayoral Photography Office Headlines about teen takeovers keep surfacing in New York and cities across the U S In the first day of classes this year in Brooklyn large crowds of teens rushed the Barclays Center and the Atlantic Terminal Mall prompting multiple city and society leaders to call for more after-school programs Last spring in Chicago the city was forced to renew curfews and warnings as large youth gatherings were organized online Commentators cite falling test scores rising loneliness and these kinds of viral clips of crowding downtown streets as proof that teens and especially boys and young men are angry detached and in decline But that framing misses the mark Boys are not inherently in dilemma they are responding to one The real issue is that there are too inadequate systems and spaces intentionally created for them to engage learn and grow The dilemma is not boys The situation is belonging When institutions fail to offer developmentally attuned third spaces with caring adults boys don t completely retreat into apathy They go looking for district on their own Sociologist Ray Oldenburg described third places as the informal low-barrier environments outside home and school where people form connection and identity Those spaces have largely vanished replaced by screens commercial venues or programs that prioritize structure over self-expression Cities need accessible teen-affirming environments that don t require spending money scoring points or earning entry function d u ac var s d createElement 'script' s type 'text javascript' s src 'https a omappapi com app js api min js' s async true s dataset user u s dataset campaign ac d getElementsByTagName 'head' appendChild s document 'u kmqsczew vunxutxmd' Research confirms that connection is a protective factor one of the strongest predictors of lifelong strength and well-being According to the Centers for Sickness Control and Prevention school connectedness has lasting effects on physical and mental medical Youth who feel connected at school are less likely to engage in risky sexual behavior misuse substances experience violence or struggle with mental medical challenges in adulthood In other words belonging isn t sentimental it s essential The CDC also notes that structured opportunities for interaction like physical instruction recess and group exercises teach conflict resolution empathy and cooperation These practice grounds give boys space to develop respect resilience and self-control When we eliminate or underfund them we remove the very conditions that help young people become emotionally literate adults Yet instead of investing in connection we often double down on control curfews surveillance and punitive systems that treat boys as threats rather than individuals seeking affirmation That approach may suppress markers in the short term but it does nothing to address the root cause isolation This is where mentoring and intentional design can transform outcomes Research from the American Journal of Society Psychology shows that youth mentoring programs produce measurable improvements when they focus on relationships over rules Participants in Big Brothers Big Sisters for example were less likely to initiate substance use skipped fewer days of school and evidenced fewer violent incidents The lesson is clear when boys experience trust and continuity their choices change In my more than three decades working with boys and young men I ve seen this play out every day The most of effective mentorship doesn t come from rigid programs it emerges organically in spaces built for belonging It s a brotherhood developed over time Relationships that are reliable and endure before during and after life s celebrations hardships and milestones Unforced connection that turns into powerful bonds we witness every day like when a young alumnus in college visits his clubhouse just because he misses his brothers True mentorship isn t hierarchical it s interwoven Peers near-peers and adults all reinforce the same message you matter here Belonging is not something we can impose it s something we strategically design for Boys rarely show up asking for guidance They come for what excites them basketball robotics music etc and stay because they find friendship trust and a sense of being known When we fund and replicate spaces that make that workable we replace alienation with purpose After years of watching boys grow into men I ve learned this boys don t need saving they need seeing If we respond to their need for belonging with empathy instead of alarm connection instead of control we can shift the story entirely The next time we see headlines about teens filling city streets we might not see chaos we might see a generation asking us in the only language they have to make room for them Stephen Tosh is the CEO and executive director of The Boys Club of New York The post Opinion Rethinking the Boys Predicament appeared first on City Limits