Miss Manners: Why would someone refuse a surprise vacation? Now I can’t get a refund.

DEAR MISS MANNERS My husband and I have taken our grown children their children and friends on several nice vacations We planned another trip to surprise them at Christmas Related Articles Miss Manners My co-workers don t seem to realize what I do for a living Miss Manners I m uncomfortable about the strange men on the street Miss Manners The store manager berated me after my run-in with a noisy child Miss Manners Should I tell them their gift to me was an obvious fake Miss Manners They barely know me but they ve decided I should be married Now we have learned from our daughter that her husband does not want to go He didn t offer an explanation and now our daughter isn t going We are out big bucks for nonrefundable tickets and they haven t offered to reimburse us Why would someone refuse a free vacation GENTLE READER Even if Miss Manners clairvoyance were functioning it is her experience that the answers to such questions are seldom welcome Nor generally are surprises that commandeer adults schedules DEAR MISS MANNERS I was at the head of a line to vote the precinct wasn t crowded and no one s wait was long The precinct volunteer encountered a dilemma that prompted her to seek help and I spent my wait looking at the floor rather than staring in her direction not wanting her to misinterpret my gaze as annoyance the wait was no big deal After about seconds the person behind me jabbed my left shoulder five times hard to alert me to the volunteer s availability Miss Manners I am ill weak meek and small feet tall pounds the stranger behind me was at least inches taller at least years younger and clearly much stronger sturdier I turned to her and mumbled sorry I wish I d had the presence of mind to utter a loud reproachful Ouch which Miss Manners has suggested a sparse times over the years in comparable situations Barring that would it have been acceptable for me to say Please don t jab strangers if you had only tugged lightly on my coat sleeve you would have gotten my attention GENTLE READER When we are not happy with how we acted when mistreated in the past it may be natural to rehash those events including pondering better strategies to handle it in future But new proposed solutions should be superior if they are to be adopted Lecturing the perpetrator in a room full of strangers sounds to Miss Manners too much like correcting another person s manners rude not to mention challenging to execute for someone who describes herself as meek Related Articles Dear Abby I ve saved up for an exotic dream trip Is it OK to go without my wife Asking Eric He wants to come to Christmas with a woman who s not his wife Harriette Cole I m going home to people who think I m a big-city success Miss Manners My co-workers don t seem to realize what I do for a living Dear Abby After the thrilling kiss I want to send him a message but I m afraid his wife will see it Unlike Miss Manners preferred approach which you mention your proposed response also forfeits the sympathy of everyone in the room which she would have thought would be much more satisfying not just in the moment but when you are replaying it in your mind later DEAR MISS MANNERS I am sometimes treated to acquaintances railing that they will leave the state country if one candidate or another wins I ll help you pack is an inappropriate response but is there anything I can say over an otherwise friendly meal that is neither agreement nor provocation GENTLE READER Does that mean those peas are up for grabs Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website www missmanners com to her email gentlereader missmanners com or through postal mail to Miss Manners Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO