Miss Manners: My daughter’s plan for a new tradition would upend our Thanksgiving routine

DEAR MISS MANNERS For years since our two daughters have had partners whom they married my husband and I chose to have Thanksgiving dinner on Friday so our kids could spend Thursday with their in-laws Related Articles Miss Manners There s nothing under his robe Am I a prude because I keep my distance Miss Manners This is a real letter about staying in a house without a toilet Miss Manners Should we invite them both and brace for drama Miss Manners My so-called friends declared I need to get over my grief Miss Manners The server gave a weak apology but I wouldn t tell her it was OK This year our younger daughter revealed that she was starting her own family tradition and having Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday at her newly purchased home We were invited to attend She noted she would be too tired to come to our dinner on Friday This daughter and her husband have also counted the number of times my husband and I have visited them and decided that they want one more visit per year in the interest of the importance of family Any advice GENTLE READER Yes Go to your younger daughter s for Thanksgiving on Thursday and tell her you would be delighted to plan another visit Your Friday Thanksgivings were kindly done for your children s convenience and surely you are not trying to claim them as an inviolable tradition Miss Manners is guessing that the concern has to do with the other daughter s Thanksgiving The younger one has ostensibly not invited her sister s extended family In that event you will be consuming a lot of turkey and cranberry sauce Your daughters have been doing double Thanksgivings for years as do several who can t assemble their families for whatever reason so you know it won t kill you DEAR MISS MANNERS While acknowledging gratitude for being invited to quite a insufficient social events how do I decline an invitation to an event that I have little interest in attending Yes I gladly attend special birthday celebrations and all th wedding anniversaries I m sorry I can t make it is honest but does etiquette require valid reasons for absences Such as Sorry I m having a baby that day instead of No thanks I m not interested I m sorry I m under the weather might be OK to use in truth we are all under the weather but only as a last-minute excuse not for an advanced RSVP I trust you understand my quandary GENTLE READER Use any of those excuses and someone is bound to post a picture of you enjoying yourself elsewhere even if you were just caught with a fleeting smile on your way to the grocery store Related Articles Asking Eric Our hateful neighbor interferes with our walks and the police won t stop him Harriette Cole He disclosed he felt sorry for my future kids and I was so hurt Miss Manners There s nothing under his robe Am I a prude because I keep my distance Dear Abby The camera I put in my mother s house caught an upsetting conversation Asking Eric What s a funny way to announce our divorce on a Christmas card It is for that reason and we can throw in a moral one for free that Miss Manners counsels that if you do not have a presentable excuse you should not claim one You are required to express thanks at being invited and regret at not being able to accept You do have specific regret don t you Well conjure chosen up even if you are sorry only about the inability to be frank The majority hosts are satisfied with that and allegedly grateful to get any definite answer Should one be so rude as to ask why you cannot attend just keep repeating the formula You re so kind to invite me I m so sorry I can t go until you get a surrender Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website www missmanners com to her email gentlereader missmanners com or through postal mail to Miss Manners Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO