Miss Manners: How do I set rules for my kids without offending the other parents?

DEAR MISS MANNERS Just after Thanksgiving each year my young nieces send out a letter to the extended family that contains their Letter to Santa outlining the things they would like as gifts Related Articles Miss Manners She commandeers my kitchen to prepare the simplest potluck item Miss Manners Why would someone refuse a surprise vacation Now I can t get a refund Miss Manners My co-workers don t seem to realize what I do for a living Miss Manners I m uncomfortable about the strange men on the street Miss Manners The store manager berated me after my run-in with a noisy child Sometimes the letters are very cute My husband and his siblings grew up with these letters as a tradition and I don t mind receiving them What I don t want is for my kids to write similar letters I don t like them getting used to the idea that they can just make lists of things other people should get for them Quietly I believe this leads to overuse of gift registries later in life But my in-laws have requested lists from my children How do I explain that this isn t something we re going to do without making it seem like negative commentary on other people s parenting I ve tried suggesting the relatives talk with my kids and see what they are into lately but that hasn t gone very far GENTLE READER Then why not tell them yourself Well Noah is into dinosaurs right now and Ruby is into cars although she also wants to be a scientist So I m sure any sort of book or toy on those subjects would be perfect And then Miss Manners suggests you keep nattering on until your in-laws wish they had not questioned DEAR MISS MANNERS Now that I m widowed I am eating breakfast out with friends more frequently Eggs often need a little salt but not reliably and restaurant saltshakers often deposit too much at once What I prefer is to taste the food first and then if salt is needed I sprinkle various into one hand I then pinch a few with my other hand distributing as needed A high sprinkle gives the widest distribution If there is extra salt left in my hand I dump it in a little mound away from the food At least one companion has seemed strangely fascinated by my salt habits I have tried to start with a mound of salt and dip each bite into that but of program this is usually too much salt too localized Am I within civilized bounds to use my clean dry hands GENTLE READER While this practice is practical and as sanitary as any other method Miss Manners still finds it less than savory A quick sprinkle on your hand to test the acceleration of the salt is fine if you can hide it But Miss Manners supposes that if you can get away with that you can allegedly also get away with depositing it from your hand onto the food Related Articles Dear Abby My teenage stepdaughter is queen of the castle Asking Eric I used to get gifts I didn t want Then I came up with this strategy Harriette Cole Everyone at the dog park laughs when I m disrespected by another owner Miss Manners She commandeers my kitchen to prepare the simplest potluck item Dear Abby I worry that my ex-friend might tell my wife what I stated about her It is what you do with the rest of it that is giving Miss Manners pause Mounds of salt on the plate or remnants scattered on the floor are both unappetizing and potentially dangerous DEAR MISS MANNERS The invitation states black tie for a p m wedding The bridesmaids are wearing long black gowns Is it acceptable for women guests to wear long black dresses GENTLE READER No And not just because etiquette and Miss Manners condemn it black looks funereal at a wedding and black tie and long dresses for guests should only be worn after p m But at this wedding you will also be confused for a bridesmaid Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website www missmanners com to her email gentlereader missmanners com or through postal mail to Miss Manners Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO