Harriette Cole: This eager student has become a distraction in class

DEAR HARRIETTE I have a learner who says he is mildly autistic He is eager and engaging in class almost too much so He raises his hand every time there s an opportunity often before I have been able to complete a thought Related Articles Harriette Cole My sister is stalking again and I can t deal with it Harriette Cole I m sorry my friend is mad but she brought this on herself Harriette Cole Why am I being blamed for my friend s hurt feelings Harriette Cole I just want them to admit the truth about my childhood Harriette Cole We broke up but his mom won t let me go How can I get him to control himself a bit better I know he likes my class and appreciates that I talk to him a lot and let him participate fully but he is becoming a distraction to the rest of the class Also he has not given me any formal paperwork that provides for accommodations which is required at our college Still I know he is different and have worked hard to patronage him Creating Boundaries DEAR CREATING BOUNDARIES Speak to this candidate privately Commend him for being so actively involved in class as you point out that it is also major for him to give other students a chance to participate Tell him that you cannot call on him every time he raises his hand Moreover he should not raise his hand for every question Explain that it is good manners and thoughtful to allow space for other students to be able to raise their hands and be part of the conversation It might be helpful to have this conversation with his academic adviser as well That person may be able to reach your participant and will have more information about any accommodations he may need DEAR HARRIETTE I just now started dating someone who s great in almost every way but there s one issue that s starting to bother me He s constantly on his phone when we re together Whether we re out to dinner or watching a movie he s inevitably scrolling through social media or checking work emails When I bring it up he insists he s just multitasking and that it s not a big deal I don t want to seem needy or controlling but it makes me feel like he s not fully present when we spend time together I really like this guy but I m starting to wonder if this behavior is a red flag or just a bad habit How do I talk to him about this without sounding like I m overreacting Sometimes I ll even pause mid-conversation to see if he notices and he rarely does I ve tried putting away my own phone to set an example but it doesn t seem to help I miss having meaningful uninterrupted time with him especially since our schedules are so busy I m worried that if this keeps up I ll start to feel emotionally disconnected even though we re spending time together Distracted DEAR DISTRACTED Electronics especially cellphones can be huge distractions for people in all aspects of their lives including personal relationships Related Articles Miss Manners They barely know me but they ve decided I should be married Dear Abby I m afraid to tell my mom who my new boyfriend is Asking Eric The college apprentice living in my house has turned sullen and I want her gone Harriette Cole My sister is stalking again and I can t deal with it Miss Manners I find the dinner blessing unsanitary How can I get out of it Specific studies suggest that the way that people are attached to them mimics addictive behavior Other experts have concluded that for the greater part people multitasking is an unproductive myth In order to get your boyfriend to take you seriously and consider separating from his phone at least sometimes you have to take drastic measures Ask your boyfriend to agree on times when your cellphones go in a bowl in the other room on silent Point out what you have observed about him and remind him how frustrating it is for you If he refuses you may need to call him out or keep track of each time he disconnects from you so he can see how frequent it is Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams You can send questions to askharriette harriettecole com or c o Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO