Harriette Cole: Should I say I don’t have the money if she keeps asking me to pay?

DEAR HARRIETTE I love my best friend but our friendship is beginning to feel transactional Related Articles Harriette Cole It stung to hear what my mom revealed the day before she died Harriette Cole My overstepping ex keeps popping up like he s part of my family Harriette Cole My roommate jokes about my hobby and now I m embarrassed Harriette Cole All everyone talks about is the people who crashed my wedding Harriette Cole After I moved in with my fiance he became very strict with me Lately she keeps forgetting to repay small loans for things like drinks rideshares movie tickets etc She consistently promises to send it later but the payments never come I ve let it slide for months because it s not like we re talking about hundreds of dollars but it s starting to add up and at this point it feels like she s taking advantage of me I m feeling a little resentful How can I bring this up without sounding cheap or damaging the relationship Or should I just start saying I don t have it when she asks me to spot her and hope she gets the hint Feeling Shortchanged DEAR FEELING SHORTCHANGED You say she s your best friend Find out what s going on in her life This represents a change of behavior Did she lose her job Does she suddenly have more expenses What has happened Ask her directly Frame it by recalling the truth Tell her you have noticed that in contemporary weeks and months she has requested you to spot her money more frequently and she has never paid you back Admit that this has left you feeling uncomfortable as this behavior is uncharacteristic of her Ask her what s going on or if she s in trouble Listen to learn If the answer is unsatisfactory stop giving her money moving forward DEAR HARRIETTE I moved in with my boyfriend in recent times and my parents are furious I come from a traditional background where living together before marriage is considered shameful My mother won t speak to me and my father informed me he didn t raise me this way I understand their values but I think this is a step toward building a healthy relationship before marriage Still their disappointment hurts and part of me feels guilty for letting them down How do I balance respecting my parents beliefs while still living my own life Is there any way to bridge this gap or do I just accept that we may never see eye to eye Parent Expectations DEAR PARENT EXPECTATIONS While social mores have relaxed considerably in this country that doesn t mean everyone has fallen in line For more religious people or those who follow traditional rules of the household living together remains taboo Historically intimacy was to be reserved for couples after they married not before There was to be no trying it out to see if two people are suited for each other Related Articles Dear Abby He ignores my -second rule concerning other women Is that a red flag Asking Eric My fundamental texts deserve more than your cool emoji Harriette Cole It stung to hear what my mom reported the day before she died Miss Manners She posted online that I stole her socks What do I do now Dear Abby My ex-husband is our neighbor and I m getting fed up with his behavior You know this It is unlikely that you will be able to get your parents to change their fundamental philosophies about life What you can do is tell them that it was not your intention to dishonor them with your choices Time will reveal whether you can live like this and have any relationship with them or if it s worth it for you to make your own choices and find happiness when your parents are so upset Keep your eyes open Talk to your boyfriend along the way You two will need to stand united regarding your decision in order for you to have any peace Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams You can send questions to askharriette harriettecole com or c o Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO