Harriette Cole: My overstepping ex keeps popping up like he’s part of my family

DEAR HARRIETTE My ex keeps popping up and treating my family members like they are his family members Related Articles Harriette Cole My roommate jokes about my hobby and now I m embarrassed Harriette Cole All everyone talks about is the people who crashed my wedding Harriette Cole After I moved in with my fiance he became very strict with me Harriette Cole I sometimes give this guy money so shouldn t he listen when I need to talk Harriette Cole My husband s casual comment about my job is weighing on me We broke up over a year ago and it was in part because I didn t think he respected my boundaries For example he d show up to milestone events with flowers and gifts even if I recounted him in advance I demanded to be with friends or family only It felt invasive He never gave me the chance to welcome him into my life he d just storm his way in Because he s nice and would show up with gifts a lot of my friends and loved ones mistook his visits as romantic gestures Now he has resurfaced We have mutual friends and when we see each other at local events he still calls my family mom or bro or sis It feels like he s trying to hold his presence in my life How do I set a hard boundary once and for all Overzealous Ex DEAR OVERZEALOUS EX Tell your family and loved ones that he is stalking you even though it seems friendly Ask them to resist welcoming him when he comes around Speak to him directly and tell him to back off Your relationship is over and you have moved on You need him to do the same DEAR HARRIETTE The company I work for is known for having a great work-life balance and an overall positive tradition that s one of the main reasons I accepted the job in the first place Unfortunately I seem to have ended up with one of the limited managers who doesn t follow that philosophy She has a habit of coming in early and staying late and I ve noticed she expects me to do the same Even if I ve finished my tasks for the day I feel pressured to stay just because she s still in the office What s been even more frustrating is that she often assigns me urgent projects or last-minute tasks during the final hour of the workday These aren t true emergencies they re things that could ve easily been delegated earlier but she phrases them as immediate priorities so I can t say no without seeming uncooperative As a end I m constantly leaving late exhausted and feeling guilty for not speaking up It s confusing because the rest of my gang and other managers seem to have healthy boundaries and flexible schedules it s just my boss who seems to live at the office and she expects me to match her pace I m worried that if I push back she ll think I m not dedicated enough but I don t want to burn out or let this define my experience at a company I otherwise love Off Balance Related Articles Dear Abby Should I tell my friend how she comes across at our office Asking Eric She gave me a ridiculous excuse for how the rings got in her purse Dear Abby I teach at my future stepdaughters school and things are getting complicated Asking Eric I m not going to tell a total stranger my plans for the day Harriette Cole My roommate jokes about my hobby and now I m embarrassed DEAR OFF BALANCE Before saying anything do specific research Are there any opportunities in other departments at your company You may not be able to change your boss s rhythm but since you love the company find out if there might be a better fit for you within it You can also speak to your boss Tell her how much you want to do a great job but you are struggling Admit that you may not have the stamina to do the constant late nights and early mornings Ask if she can attempt to give you your assignments in advance so that you can manage your time more efficiently Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams You can send questions to askharriette harriettecole com or c o Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO