Harriette Cole: My friend changes her story so often and I don’t know what’s true

DEAR HARRIETTE My friend inevitably changes her story when it comes to small things and the accumulation of all these inconsistencies is starting to get to me Related Articles Harriette Cole My boyfriend ghosted me but when I saw him he acted like everything was normal Harriette Cole Should I say I don t have the money if she keeps asking me to pay Harriette Cole It stung to hear what my mom explained the day before she died Harriette Cole My overstepping ex keeps popping up like he s part of my family Harriette Cole My roommate jokes about my hobby and now I m embarrassed For example she was just talking about how she plans to work at the company we both work at for five more years but then not even two minutes later she mentioned wanting to apply to grad school within the next year It s hard to keep up when her story changes so frequently and sometimes I feel like I can t tell what s truly true It s not just about work she does this in other parts of her life too One week she s talking about saving money and being serious about her goals and the next she s making impulsive plans that comprehensively contradict what she announced before I don t think she s intentionally lying but it s starting to make me question her credibility and reliability I want to be a supportive friend I also don t want to feel like I m constantly trying to decode what s real and what s not How can I bring this up without sounding judgmental or confrontational I care about her but I m starting to lose patience Inconsistent DEAR INCONSISTENT Sit down with your friend and let her know that she is confusing you Give her a sparse examples of things she has passionately recounted you only to reverse moments later Tell her it is hard for you to know when she s serious as she changes her mind so frequently Admit that it is frustrating to you Listen to how she responds Ultimately you may have to back off a bit and not get so invested in her ideas especially if they are consistently inconsistent You can listen neutrally not allow yourself to go down a rabbit hole to help and instead just be a sounding board DEAR HARRIETTE I have a friend group of three and lately I ve noticed growing tension between my two other friends They don t seem to understand each other s personalities and it s starting to create awkwardness whenever we hang out together One of them is more outspoken and direct while the other is quieter and tends to take things personally so what might just be playful teasing to one feels like criticism to the other I find myself stuck in the middle constantly trying to smooth things over or change the subject before things get uncomfortable It s exhausting because I care about both of them but I don t know how to help them get along without seeming like I m taking sides I ve tried subtly hinting to each of them that the other doesn t mean any harm but it doesn t seem to help They both leave hangouts feeling frustrated I miss when the three of us could have fun together without this underlying tension Related Articles Dear Abby My dad wants to take this teen in It s going to be a mishap Asking Eric Should I tell her the real reason we didn t go to her wedding Harriette Cole My boyfriend ghosted me but when I saw him he acted like everything was normal Miss Manners I don t want to tell people how we got our puppy Dear Abby I m afraid to complain about the neighbor s noisy kids Should I sit them down to talk things out or is that overstepping I don t want to make things worse by forcing a confrontation but I also don t want to keep pretending everything s fine when it clearly isn t Friction DEAR FRICTION Address the elephant in the room Ask them individually why they are feuding Invite them to discuss it all together If they are unwilling or that doesn t work consider hanging out one on one with each of them for a while That friend group may be history Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams You can send questions to askharriette harriettecole com or c o Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO