Harriette Cole: I’m being pressured to interfere in my brother’s messy breakup

DEAR HARRIETTE My brother and his wife are separated and things have gotten messy Related Articles Harriette Cole I want this manager to hurry up and poach me Harriette Cole Gentle parenting is not going to solve this kid s trouble Harriette Cole The wedding is canceled and she won t tell me why Harriette Cole My friend is so secretive about her life that it hurts my feelings Harriette Cole I called my friend out for acting strange and she left the party Because it seems that they have come to a standstill his wife s family has started reaching out to extended family members including me to encourage us to try to get them back together I don t want to get involved This is their business I can t imagine that there is anything I can say or do that will be helpful I ve seen how these things play out Family members share their opinions and the next thing you know bad feelings are now directed at you instead of the couple dealing with their stuff How can I let these people know that I want nothing to do with what s happening between my brother and his wife None of My Business DEAR NONE OF MY BUSINESS When you are approached stop whoever is talking to you before they say too much and explain that you are unwilling to discuss your brother and sister-in-law s business You wish the best for them and the family whatever that is but you will refrain from giving your opinion or your advice Refuse to gossip about whatever is going on Call your brother and let him know what s happening Suggest that he and his wife come to terms before the family makes things even messier DEAR HARRIETTE I had a friend through my work who moved away for a new job certain years ago and we lost contact I indeed tried pretty hard to stay in touch with her but she didn t respond I saw her in the past few days when she was in town and we shared a warm greeting She commented she had been extremely busy with work and apologized for not being responsive She seemed genuinely interested in reconnecting I would like to rekindle our friendship but I worry that I will get my feelings hurt again if she remains distant How should I handle this Renewed Friendship DEAR RENEWED FRIENDSHIP Check your expectations before you reach out again What do you want and need to be fulfilled in this friendship Did you have that with this person when the two of you were in the same town Do you believe she has the threshold to offer that to you now Can you reduce your expectations These are central questions for you to consider seriously so that you have clarity on what is likely to unfold Related Articles Dear Abby I have no memory of those three days but somehow I alienated my friends Magid Designing digital safety with youth in mind Asking Eric We re keeping a heavy secret from our neighbors Harriette Cole I want this manager to hurry up and poach me Miss Manners Her joke about dodging the check turned out not so funny How often do you want to be able to communicate with this person What amount of engagement will be acceptable to you Once you figure that out reach out to her First ask for something manageable perhaps a call to check in Send her a text periodically letting her know you are thinking about her See what unfolds naturally Several friendships live with little tending Time goes by and when friends connect it feels good In other instances it can be disconcerting not to have more frequent engagement You have to figure out what works in this friendship Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams You can send questions to askharriette harriettecole com or c o Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO