Harriette Cole: Do I need to tell my husband how I know about his affair?

DEAR HARRIETTE My daughter just figured out that my husband is having an affair Related Articles Harriette Cole Was this lunch development a red flag about my new friend Harriette Cole Yes I have big feet but what about her eating disorder Harriette Cole The bachelorette trip was ruined How can I make it up to the bride Harriette Cole My friend s boyfriend made mean jokes about me in community Harriette Cole My mom snickered at my college choice and dismissed my hurt feelings She stumbled upon a insufficient text messages on his phone when she answered a call for him It was innocent enough she wasn t snooping but she did find this incriminating information Instead of speaking to him she narrated me I did not know that he was involved with someone though we have been going through particular challenges for the past year or so I need to address this with my husband but I want to protect my daughter too I fear that he will retaliate against her rather than facing up to what he has done How should I address this An Affair Exposed DEAR AN AFFAIR EXPOSED Choose a time to speak with your husband when your daughter is not in the house Tell him you know about his affair and ask him to tell you what he wants Point out that you know things have been strained between you but until not long ago you had no idea he was stepping out on you You two need to address your issues and figure out a way forward Ask him to respect you enough to do that If he pushes back and wants to know how you determined out you can protect your daughter and not tell him about her If he requirements to know how grave the situation is because she also knows tell him the truth and be sure to give her the heads up but this really is between you and him She should not be involved DEAR HARRIETTE My friend is upset with me because I didn t defend her during a heated argument in a group chat with various of our mutual friends I didn t feel I should get involved The conversation had escalated speedily and I thought it was better to stay neutral Now she s distant and barely responds when I try to reach out I feel caught in an awkward position I want to respect her feelings and rebuild our connection but I don t want to apologize for staying out of drama I didn t feel was mine I ve known her for years and it s upsetting to see our friendship strained over something that feels like a misunderstanding I keep replaying the situation in my head wondering if there was a way I could have handled it differently Every time I see her in person or in other chats the tension is palpable and I hate feeling like we re drifting apart over something so small I just don t want this to become a permanent wedge between us How do I approach her in a way that shows I care about our friendship acknowledges her feelings and repairs the trust without making things more awkward or confrontational Broken Friendship Related Articles Miss Manners The server gave a weak apology but I wouldn t tell her it was OK Dear Abby She s going to give her baby a ridiculous name because she thinks it s pretty Asking Eric Sister B accidentally recounted the truth and Sister C called it quits with her Harriette Cole Was this lunch matter a red flag about my new friend Miss Manners The boomerang birthday gift hurt my feelings DEAR BROKEN FRIENDSHIP Contact her and tell her you want to clear the air Ask if she is willing to talk Tell her you can see she remains upset about the group chat you both participated in You can say you are sorry that she is upset with you but you maintain that that was not a fight you felt you should participate in Tell her you miss her and hope you can repair your friendship Listen to whatever she has to say and respond accordingly You can reiterate that you are sorry she is hurt Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams You can send questions to askharriette harriettecole com or c o Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO