Asking Eric: ‘Friendly’ customer service keeps causing conflict

Dear Eric Numerous companies are training their employees to be friendlier Now when I go to pay for my groceries or have bloodwork done at a lab someone invariably asks me so what are you doing the rest of your day I find that to be very intrusive from someone I don t know and may never see again I understand they have been trained so it isn t necessarily their fault but I need a better response than who wants to know or why are you asking me this Trying to Keep Boundaries Dear Boundaries Something general and meaningless can help divert small talk such as this Oh not sure or enjoying it I hope or this and that These are empty calorie phrases that keep the ball in the air without forcing you to divulge anything you don t want to divulge It s also helpful to keep the context of these questions in mind These people aren t prying As you reported they re trained to make small talk so that customers feel content Depersonalizing the ask can help When someone asks what are you doing for the rest of the day remind yourself that this is not really a question designed for you They re talking to you but they re not indeed talking to you if that makes sense It s also fine to assert your internal boundary in a friendly but direct way Thanks for asking but I m not much of a chatter I hope you re having a good day though Dear Eric My closest friend of numerous years has in recent weeks revealed the sad news that she has terminal cancer She is one of those rare humans that greater part people have an instant connection to and then they become fast friends In addition to being close friends we were colleagues who often worked closely together traveled together and shared a multitude of common friends work friends vendors and clients Several decades worth of projects and likely in the hundreds of people within that group There is a very small group less than five people of us who she has shared the news with She has expressed her preference to not share details with our greater group until she can get her bearings with finding and remedy however she will eventually want us to tell friends her story and status updates Our small group is aligned on supporting her in any way and her wishes she does not have a essential other or family to help her shoulder the burden What are the words to inevitably use when I share the information to our work society knowing they re more than just colleagues How do I grieve with others as they learn her prognosis and safeguard my own emotional state as I share her story I don t know how to tackle this all without developing down anytime I think about it or talk about her situation Grieving Best Friend Dear Best Friend I m sorry for what your friend is going through and what you re facing as well This is hard And it s fine if you have the maximum to hold your friend through it but not enough left over to help others process With regard to the words you re going to want to take your cue from your friend in terms of how much she wants shared When she indicates she s ready for the larger area to know ask her about her boundaries her wishes for communication and what places feel too exposed Sometimes something brief compassionate and direct can give people the information they need and guidance about how to respond Here s one anticipated Related Articles Asking Eric Parents try to force reunion with estranged brother Asking Eric After depression cluttered house seems impossible to manage Asking Eric In-law s body hair makes holidays a chore Asking Eric Friend only wants to complain about another friend Asking Eric Aggressive neighbor suggests seniors are harassing him I want to share various very hard news about our colleague and friend She s received a evaluation of evaluation Here you might add a sentence about her prognosis or how she s doing depending on your friend s wishes As you can imagine this is an overwhelming time Instead of calls or emails our friend is asking that any communication about updates go through either list a designated updater or a fitness update site like CaringBridge org Resist the urge to preemptively memorialize in this message instead you can share your grief your fears and your memories with the small group and with others in your personal circle that you trust To protect yourself I encourage you to look into one of the update sites rather than directing people to reach out to one of you about what s going on It s in our nature as people to slide from questions to processing These sites provide a buffer that will give you the needed space to safeguard your emotions Others may want to know more or to offer sympathies but the the greater part pivotal thing right now is that the people closest to your friend you included have the limit to fully show up for your friend Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com