Asking Eric: After a rift and a breakdown, sister-in-law wants to rebuild relationship

Dear Eric I m close friends with one of my sisters-in-law but not the other Betty Betty and I used to be close until jealousy came between us She was jealous that her brother and I were the first to get married have kids and reach other milestones She is also very sensitive so I ve felt like I need to walk on eggshells especially after she confided to my husband that she thinks I complain too much In short I don t feel like I can share my joys or my struggles with her I am cordial toward her but I do not make an effort beyond being polite and kind I ve been going through an intense period of stress and burnout for almost two years A meager months ago I had a mental breakdown Since then Betty has made several attempts at rekindling our former friendship I haven t reciprocated Mentally and emotionally I am still very burned out and I don t have the emotional vigor to restore a complicated friendship Based on previous patterns of behavior I know that it s just a matter of time before my husband is communicated either by Betty or their parents that she s hurt that I m not reciprocating I know I will be solicited why and feel pressured to make more of an effort How do I set a boundary and explain that I m not interested in restoring this relationship right now without further complicating the situation Not Ready to Make Nice Dear Not Ready Being proactive will really help you and Betty here Reach out to Betty first and tell her that you ve noticed and perhaps appreciate her desire to rekindle a friendship and you want to acknowledge that Then let her know that you re still in a tough place and that you just don t have a lot of ceiling This is a little more it s not you it s me than I d like but what seems the bulk essential is that you right-size Betty s expectations before this becomes a family issue Acknowledging her efforts keeps her feelings from getting hurt and being honest about what you can and can t offer right now saves you from having to reject her outright It also gives her useful information that will ideally help her be a better friend Hopefully she s self-aware enough to be able to hear what you re asking for Sometimes the greater part loving thing a person can do is give us space and the most of loving thing we can do is ask for it Dear Eric Regarding your response to What to Say who didn t know how to address a friend s Ozempic weight loss A couple of years ago I lost about pounds by sticking to a very strict diet something I will never do again it was that unpleasant and detrimental to my quality of life I was astounded when nobody appeared to notice Well at least they didn t say that they noticed So after all that I suffered for that impact I was literally kind of hurt A You look great comment would have been much more than enough and much better than nothing at all Now after gaining all that weight back due to not being able to continually and severely restrict my diet I am using semaglutide If and when it is as achieving I hope that somebody notices and mentions it in one way or the other I don t know too various people who would be offended by a You look great comment Related Articles Asking Eric Mother can t accept daughter s unambitious husband Asking Eric New boyfriend comes with a warning from his sister-in-law Asking Eric Mother unsure whether to contact estranged son on deathbed Asking Eric Husband s hygiene causes big stink in marriage Asking Eric Longtime friends ignore friend s daughter s wedding Looking Great Dear Great The issue isn t so much offense per se so much as making a declaration that isn t received as a compliment While selected might receive such a comment in the spirit given others might not want friends or strangers commenting on their bodies or they might have complicated feelings about their journeys or they might have lost weight unwillingly as through illness I gave the advice I did not to have everyone walking around on eggshells but to remind folks that we don t constantly know what s going on in people s lives or minds This is also true in your circumstance you wished a compliment and you didn t receive one and those around you didn t sense that Sometimes I find that a desire to be complimented is wrapped up in a desire to be more authentic with those around us Do you perhaps have an opportunity to share your pride at your accomplishment with a friend or loved one Or even share the good parts and the frustrating aspects of the journey you re on It s not bragging to say I m doing this thing for me and I m really happy with it And doing so extends an invitation for others to celebrate with you in the way that you want to be celebrated Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com